it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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