I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
