oh god the rape fog is back!
two words: eviction party
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
