Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
