literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
