you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
