WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
