We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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