the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
