i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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