So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
