I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
