you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
