I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
