It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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