Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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