...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
