I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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