I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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