Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
