Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
