i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
