If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
