she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
