I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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