you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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