So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
