Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
