Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Randomize
