I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
