And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
