i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
