That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
