Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
