I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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