Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
