allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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