I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
