I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Four minutes until I can fart!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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