Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
