so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
