I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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