he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
