end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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