I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
