the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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