After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
