Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
