I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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