So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
